ADHD and Messiness With Jeannie [Video]

By Understood

Kids and adults with ADHD can have a hard time keeping things tidy. That’s true of Jeannie Ferguson, a plus-model in Brooklyn who describes herself as “messy.” Jeannie was diagnosed with ADHD in college, and her wife Tosh also has ADHD.

Jeannie gives Laura a detailed walk through what goes on in her brain when she tries to clean. She also shares what led to her ADHD diagnosis, why as a Black woman she hesitated to get evaluated, and what it’s like when two people with ADHD are married.

To find a transcript for this episode and more resources, visit the episode page at Understood. https://www.understood.org/podcast/ad…

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at ADHDAha@understood.org.

Understood is a nonprofit and social impact organization dedicated to shaping a world where the 1 in 5 people who learn and think differently can thrive. Learn more about “ADHD Aha!” and all our podcasts at u.org/podcasts.

Copyright © 2022 Understood for All, Inc. All rights reserved. Understood is not affiliated with any pharmaceutical company.

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

0:00
i was in college and i come across a
0:03
finance professor and he actually
0:06
recommended that i go and get tested for
0:09
adhd because i would zone out in his
0:11
class i would be writing a grocery list
0:14
i would be doing homework from another
0:16
class i had no interest in his class
0:19
however him speaking to another
0:21
professor and you know us the three of
0:24
us talking and having a laugh
0:27
he asked that professor what were her
0:30
grades in your classes and she said
0:33
she’d get a’s and a pluses but he said
0:36
well she has failed my class
0:38
for sure i definitely think you need to
0:41
go and i have my reservations about
0:43
going because
0:45
in african-american community back then
0:48
during that time that’s not something
0:50
that you spoke about and i didn’t want
0:52
that stigma on me that i was crazy or i
0:55
was slow and i didn’t know what i was
0:56
doing or what have you i put it off for
0:59
a little while and i finally went and
1:02
yeah the diagnosis was definitely
1:05
a positive one
1:07
[Music]
1:11
from the understood podcast network this
1:13
is adhd aha a podcast where people share
1:16
the moment when it finally clicked that
1:18
they or someone they know has adhd
1:21
my name is laura key i’m the editorial
1:24
director here at understood and as
1:26
someone who’s had my own adhd aha moment
1:28
i’ll be your host
1:30
[Music]
1:35
i’m here today with jeannie ferguson
1:37
jeannie is a plus model who lives in
1:39
brooklyn new york with her wife tash who
1:41
also has adhd welcome genie thank you
1:44
for having me laura so ginny you used
1:46
the word mess i think you said i’m a
1:48
mess
1:49
tell me what you mean by that what does
1:51
that word mean to you and how does that
1:52
relate to your adhd so i can never get
1:56
my
1:58
home
1:59
clean
2:00
all at one time in a certain amount of
2:03
time so i have to start
2:06
in my bedroom
2:09
i’ll go i’ll make up my bed i’ll put my
2:11
shoes back in the box i’ll put all of my
2:14
clothes i’ll hang them back up whatever
2:16
it is perfume if it’s sitting out or
2:19
whatever
2:20
anything just put it in autumn dustin
2:22
wiping things down
2:24
if i step out of my bedroom and go into
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the bathroom i know it’s time for me to
2:28
clean the bathroom so now i am
2:32
turning on the shower with a jackson tub
2:35
and i’m taking stuff off of the the
2:38
cabinet because now i’m going to clean
2:39
the cabinet so
2:41
now my bedroom is not complete
2:44
because i need to now take the clothes
2:46
off the bed even though i made it but
2:48
now the clothes that was on the chair is
2:51
on the bed and has to be put away i
2:53
haven’t done that yet
2:55
i’ve walked out
2:57
my phone may ring it may not be near me
2:59
it may be in the living room now i’m in
3:02
the damn living room and i’m like oh
3:04
okay so now i know i have to sweep the
3:07
carpet i don’t like the vacuum i like to
3:09
sweep i’m going to sweep the carpet i’m
3:10
going to polish the wooden table okay so
3:14
i’ll start with that i’ll answer the
3:16
phone but now that i’m talking i put it
3:18
on speaker now i’m cleaning that the
3:20
bathtub is still running let’s not
3:22
forget the bathtub is still running the
3:24
clothes are still on the bed but i
3:25
started in the living room so now the
3:28
living room is half clean because i hung
3:30
up but now i’m like oh i have to go to
3:32
the bathroom now i go to the bathroom i
3:34
use the restroom i’m now moving
3:36
everything around i’m washing my hands
3:38
oh let me clean the tub the clothes are
3:40
still there the living room i haven’t
3:43
finished sweeping there’s six different
3:45
piles of dirt
3:46
in the living room then you know the
3:49
couches i have pillows i need to fluff
3:51
those
3:52
oh wait i have a coffee cup in the
3:54
cereal bowl in the kitchen i need to
3:57
clean and i usually wipe my stove off or
3:59
what have you because this dust or what
4:01
have you
4:02
oh so nothing is complete
4:05
judy that was an amazing walk through
4:07
your adhd brain oh yeah that’s at least
4:10
three times a week laura you just ran
4:12
the gamut of almost every executive
4:14
functioning difficulty that can lead to
4:16
quote unquote messiness and adhd like
4:19
starting and finishing cleanup tasks
4:22
paying attention to what you’re doing
4:24
keeping track of what you’re doing not
4:26
getting distracted from what you’re
4:27
doing i mean that was a journey i really
4:29
appreciate you taking me through your
4:30
house like that i could visualize every
4:32
aspect of it well now the weird thing is
4:36
if my wife have to
4:38
clean something she’s a carpenter so she
4:42
builds things she will build you a
4:45
cabinet
4:46
she can build you a home that’s what she
4:49
does
4:50
and
4:51
she deals a lot with the different tools
4:53
and stuff like that she will literally
4:56
sit
4:57
and her focus
4:59
is
5:00
taking each screw and putting it where
5:02
it belongs
5:04
so it may be 50 different screws she
5:07
will sit and organize oh interesting and
5:10
then she’ll put that away
5:12
then she’ll go to the kitchen cabinets
5:14
my kitchen cabinets are in order honey
5:16
totally in order
5:18
she will play tetris and put things away
5:21
where i can see
5:23
and i can get everything
5:24
that’s not how it was for me as soon as
5:26
i clean it up i can’t find anything i’m
5:29
still looking for a pair of shoes their
5:31
new shoes i don’t know where i put them
5:35
because i had cleaned the closet so it
5:37
sounds like tosh gets really like hyper
5:40
focused on the organization aspect of it
5:42
which is really interesting and and then
5:44
there you are and it’s almost like you
5:46
seem to you thrive in the clutter or
5:48
like does it bother you do you no it
5:51
doesn’t bother me because i know where
5:53
it’s at i know that i tried on
5:56
literally i’m telling you
5:58
what’s there now so my sister and i have
6:00
a shoe on sunday i have an orange
6:02
sweater that i know i want to use for
6:04
the shoot i did not hang it up i’m not
6:07
going to fold it i’m not going to put it
6:08
in the closet where the rest of the
6:10
things are i’m not going to do that
6:11
because if i do i’m not going to find it
6:13
i’m going to leave it laying on this
6:16
chair until
6:18
i leave out the door on sunday hey good
6:20
strategy if that works for you i’m okay
6:23
with the clutter as soon as everything
6:25
is spotless i start to get anxiety
6:28
because i feel like i lost something i
6:30
don’t know if i threw it away did i
6:31
throw it away i don’t know if i’m gonna
6:33
be able to find it is it there i don’t
6:35
know it’s really bad it becomes bad
6:38
sometimes i cry
6:40
you cry genie i do if i have a lot of
6:42
things going on i put it in a calendar
6:45
first and foremost i have two calendars
6:47
so i have one that my wife and i share
6:50
that i have to put things in there so
6:52
she’ll know
6:53
to remind me
6:54
because that calendar will remind her to
6:57
remind me to look at the calendar that i
7:00
know is going to actually
7:02
alert me
7:03
so it becomes
7:05
really bad and just the other day she’s
7:08
like i need to know what’s wrong because
7:09
you’re not sleeping i couldn’t sleep
7:11
because the next day i had to shoot and
7:13
i had to get everything together not did
7:15
i not pack do i not have these shoes
7:17
that i’m not so i’m up at four o’clock
7:19
in the morning the shoot is not until 1
7:21
pm there’s nothing for me to do but my
7:23
anxiety gets the best of me and i’m
7:25
thinking i’m going to forget something
7:26
because i’m so used to not being
7:29
organized that it scares me so you know
7:33
i cried the other day i was like i don’t
7:35
know what to do yeah that sounds really
7:36
exhausting and stressful there’s the
7:39
aspect of remembering what you need to
7:41
do and then remembering to do the things
7:43
that help you remember what you need to
7:45
do and
7:46
it’s a lot to manage
7:48
[Music]
7:58
this word messy is a really loaded word
8:01
right i think the word messy or
8:03
messiness can
8:05
imply
8:07
laziness and we hear that a lot at our
8:09
organization like people write in
8:12
parents or people with adhd
8:14
saying you know my kid or myself i’m not
8:16
lazy i want to do this but i just i have
8:19
trouble getting it done so i’m just
8:22
curious like how do you perceive that
8:23
word messy and what does it mean to you
8:26
i sometimes think that i am lazy
8:30
i know that i have to do something and
8:33
it’s like oh okay you have to call the
8:35
studio and you know book the studio and
8:37
i’ll do it tomorrow it’s messy because
8:39
you as an adult know that you have to
8:42
handle business this is your livelihood
8:44
you have to do it
8:45
but in your mind it’s just like i can do
8:48
it tomorrow
8:49
but
8:50
i will get excited
8:52
if i clean up the mess if i
8:55
on my list because i also make lists
8:58
that’s the only way i’m going to get
9:00
through life is with a list i learned
9:03
that
9:04
i completed laura
9:06
a whole list of 10 things in one day and
9:10
i was so proud of myself i was excited i
9:12
was on it i was like look it you did a
9:15
good job but two days later it was like
9:17
okay so i have to call again
9:20
i’ll wait till tomorrow
9:22
you don’t seem lazy to me at all sounds
9:25
like you have a thriving career
9:26
you have a wonderful home life and just
9:29
hearing you describe
9:31
your day-to-day
9:32
whether or not things get done
9:34
i can tell that you’re either trying or
9:36
you are getting them done so like you
9:37
definitely don’t seem lazy
9:39
but i do feel that way after you feel
9:41
that very lazy if i know that i don’t
9:44
have to leave out
9:46
until 1 pm
9:48
if i sit down i am there
9:51
until 11 30. i’m not moving
9:54
i know i have to answer these emails yes
9:56
i have to get dressed waiting until the
9:58
last minute sometimes is it can be bad
10:01
as well thinking oh i got time and then
10:03
you look up you’re like ah i only got 15
10:06
minutes you know to get out the door to
10:08
get to the train on time or what have
10:09
you it seems very lazy at times to me
10:13
i mean a lot of people with adhd myself
10:15
included like i know i get really hard
10:17
on myself when
10:19
i feel like i’m not performing to my top
10:21
potential and like when i can feel my
10:23
adhd blockers
10:25
like my trouble with organization or
10:27
trouble getting started on something i
10:29
know why i’m unable to get started or to
10:32
finish something
10:34
and i know that it’s like in some ways
10:35
it’s beyond my control but i still i get
10:38
really down on myself and it’s it’s
10:40
emotional
10:41
so lists what other kinds of things do
10:43
you do to cope well besides the list i
10:46
um i go back to my calendar and look at
10:50
things that i accomplished like okay so
10:53
i know this day i had a one-on-one
10:56
training and then at night i had a zoom
10:59
and then
11:00
you know i had to meet friends for
11:02
dinner and i accomplished all of these
11:04
things
11:05
so this day wednesday the 23rd i did
11:08
that
11:09
on the 29th i have to do the same thing
11:13
so what did i do i’ll go back and think
11:16
about how did i start the day
11:18
did i get up early you know on your
11:20
phone it tracks everything at the time
11:23
you got up and you started to touch your
11:25
phone oh so this is the time you was up
11:27
or what have you i’ll go back and i’ll
11:29
track absolutely everything go okay so i
11:31
started at this time and i made good
11:33
timing i know i had to start an hour and
11:35
a half earlier than what it takes so
11:38
i’ll go back and literally look at the
11:40
things that i’ve already done
11:42
that’s interesting that takes a lot of
11:44
diligence too you’re looking back at
11:46
your accomplishments which hopefully is
11:48
like a confidence booster as well like
11:50
you managed to do x y and z on this day
11:53
now let’s replicate it and then continue
11:55
to improve so sounds like a lot of work
11:57
it is it is
12:00
[Music]
12:07
genie i want to talk about your
12:09
diagnosis
12:10
and evaluation
12:12
journey so i
12:14
because i am a lot older than what you
12:16
may think i won’t tell but i am way
12:18
older i’ll tell you offline i was in
12:21
college and i had come across a finance
12:24
professor and he actually recommend that
12:27
i go and get tested for adhd because
12:31
there were certain classes that i kept
12:34
failing
12:36
just i can’t get past this
12:38
one
12:39
damn class for whatever i just kept
12:42
failing picked up his class again i
12:44
gotta pay for it i have to take this
12:46
damn class to pass
12:48
and he said genie i’m serious
12:50
i really think that you should go get
12:52
tested i’m not thinking that he was
12:55
serious african-americans don’t go get
12:57
tested for crazy we not crazy we don’t
12:59
do stuff like that that’s in my mind
13:01
because that’s what i was taught
13:03
you don’t talk about it you don’t say
13:05
anything about you know the kid might be
13:08
slow you know in learning and have a
13:10
learning disability you know slow to
13:12
learn or what have you may have a
13:14
learning disability you don’t talk about
13:15
stuff like that a lot of times you know
13:17
for my everyday brushing under the rug
13:19
but you said genie i really think that
13:21
you should go and see
13:23
i procrastinated for
13:26
many many weeks and i’m like this man is
13:28
crazy there’s nothing wrong with me
13:30
until
13:32
again
13:33
taking different tests and doing
13:34
different things and realizing that
13:37
these classes had caught my attention i
13:40
am focused i am here i can retain all of
13:43
the info that i need
13:44
when it comes to him i’m not interested
13:47
in this am i even going to use this with
13:49
my degree like mr please but when i
13:52
finally thought about it i said you know
13:54
what let me just go i’m thinking it
13:56
would be a blood test i don’t know why
13:58
of course ignorant to the whole thing
14:00
thinking it was a blood test and they
14:01
start asking the questions how do you
14:03
feel when you
14:05
can you complete certain things that was
14:07
one are you excited when you complete
14:09
these things or do you feel like okay
14:11
job well done and you move on to
14:13
something else no i’m excited the whole
14:15
time like we focus this day belongs to
14:17
me this is me you know the different
14:19
things that they would ask
14:21
then i realized like all of these things
14:23
are true like what the hell i was like
14:26
i’m crazy i can’t believe that crazy so
14:30
i was in college when i was diagnosed
14:32
but that’s how it
14:34
came about
14:35
i didn’t tell my mom and my sister
14:37
because again i didn’t want the whole
14:39
stigma of you know genie crazy
14:41
so i never told anybody but now they all
14:44
know when they understand my craziness
14:48
your wife tosh also has adhd isn’t that
14:50
right
14:52
yes the two of us
14:54
together i am a mess she is kind of sort
14:57
of ocd my
15:00
attention span is very short and i feel
15:03
so bad for her if we are watching a
15:05
movie and if i lose interest it
15:08
definitely is when i met tash i didn’t
15:10
know that she had adhd as well and she
15:13
was she was a model as well
15:16
and
15:17
she’s from texas i’m from new york and
15:20
i was there training she was a model and
15:23
she’s a carpenter now this is this is
15:25
the coolest relationship i think i’ve
15:26
ever seen as a model at first and she i
15:29
had come down to teach a class
15:31
a runway class in houston texas
15:34
and
15:36
she was
15:38
very hands-on even there she was
15:41
building stuff she was putting stuff
15:42
together very handy or what have you
15:45
when she and i finally started to talk
15:48
and get together i was like well let me
15:50
just tell you this now because i’m not
15:52
always focused and i kept saying what
15:55
would you say i’m like okay so let me
15:57
just tell you this because i said this
15:58
about 20 times since we’ve been talking
16:00
in the last 10 minutes
16:03
i have adhd i’m not focused on what
16:06
you’re saying right now i it’s not that
16:08
it’s not important or i’m not engaged in
16:11
this conversation but i have about 75
16:14
things running over in my head with what
16:16
i have to do
16:18
tomorrow
16:20
i apologize i’m all over the place and
16:23
you have to learn how to speak genie
16:25
eventually
16:26
and she said
16:28
i understand i said what you understand
16:31
genie because if you don’t know how to
16:32
speak genie you won’t get through any of
16:35
this she said no i understand
16:38
you have adhd i do too i was like really
16:42
oh my goodness
16:43
then i got a little quiet laura because
16:46
i was like wait but that’s so exciting
16:48
okay i’m excited though it’s just gonna
16:50
work out we two crazy ass people and
16:53
here you go you have adhd too this is
16:56
going to be
16:57
one hell of a relationship but at the
16:59
same time were you also thinking oh i
17:01
found my people somebody who can
17:02
understand absolutely
17:05
yeah because you didn’t share it with
17:07
your family
17:08
right because you were worried about the
17:09
perception of that
17:12
and here you go you shared you took a
17:14
leap and now and then you got married
17:17
what are we gonna do we’re gonna be
17:19
crazy together for real it’s all legal
17:21
now you’re our adhds are bound together
17:23
forever
17:32
you’ve been listening to adhd aha from
17:35
the understood podcast network you can
17:37
listen and subscribe to adhd aha on
17:39
apple spotify or anywhere you get your
17:42
podcasts and if you like what you heard
17:44
today tell someone about the show we
17:46
rely on listeners like you to reach and
17:48
support more people
17:50
and if you want to share your own aha
17:51
moment email us at
17:54
adhdaha
17:55
understood.org i’d love to hear from you
17:58
you can go to u.org
18:00
adhd aha to find details on each episode
18:04
and related resources that’s the letter
18:06
u as an understood dot o r g slash adhd
18:11
aha understood as a non-profit and
18:14
social impact organization
18:16
we have no affiliation with
18:17
pharmaceutical companies
18:19
learn more at understood.org
18:23
mission
18:24
adhd aha is produced by jessamine mali
18:27
say hi jessamine hi everyone justin d
18:30
wright created our music seth melnick
18:32
and brianna berry are our production
18:34
directors scott cochier is our creative
18:36
director
18:37
and i’m your host laura key editorial
18:40
director at understood thanks so much
18:42
for listening
18:44
[Music]
19:10
you

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